Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
