Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
