Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
