I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
