Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
