you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
