it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
