You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
