I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
