you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
