??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
