he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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