He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
