I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
