OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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