it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
