Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
