Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
