He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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