I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
