a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
