And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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