His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
