Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
