you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize