ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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