This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
