yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
