I'm going to rape someone's good day.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize