If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize