we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize