The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
