somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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