i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize