It's Friday. Sex?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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