I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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