i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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