It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
