I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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