What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
