Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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