After last night, I could never be a politician.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
