I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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