We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
