So drunk its hurt
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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