I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize