Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
50% drunk capacity currently
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
