You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
