So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My dick has a subreddit
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
