Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
