Pants 0. Shit 1.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Brb crying the tears of my youth
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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