dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
