hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
