I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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