I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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