Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
