remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
