I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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