Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
