Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
