Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
