hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
