fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
