So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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