His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize