can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
ok first of all what the fuck
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
