white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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