So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
