You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
