Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
