it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
