There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
